


The Once And Future King

by TeamDurango



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Durincest, Dysfunctional Family, Fili and Kili can be dumb, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Romance, Wrestling, adorable children, oh my god thorin why can't you express yourself, sexy rage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2017-11-28 17:57:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamDurango/pseuds/TeamDurango
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*UPDATED WITH FINAL CHAPTER* Fili is resentful of Thorin and tries to sort out his romantic feelings for Kili who may feel the same. Told from three different points of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter involves a different POV and some flashbacks to lil' Fili and Kili who are naive and adorable! Also, Thorin isn't a mean guy, he's just kind of a grump. LEARN HOW TO SMILE!

“Someday you will be the greatest King under the Mountain that ever lived, brother!”

Fili scoffed at the now far-off memory as he sat, drenched and exhausted atop his pony. Beads of rain dripped down his hood that did little to shield him from the cold wind that blew into his face, making his entire body shiver. Hunched over, Fili let his body rock with the movement of the pony as it trudged along the rocky and jagged path, never taking his eyes off of him, the leader of their Company. 

“Even Uncle Thorin?” Fili asked, turning around to help Kili up the rocks.  
The younger boy grabbed hold of his older brother’s arm as he hoisted him up, being too short to make the climb himself. Kili grabbed at the rock face and stuck his tongue out in concentration as he scrambled to reach the top. With some effort, he managed to wiggle himself over the ledge and rolled over onto his back, huffing while he stared at the kaleidoscope of trees above. 

“Sure,” he replied, not taking his brown eyes off the green pines. “You’re really good at sword fighting, and you’re strong, and you’re the bravest person I know!” Kili said, turning his head to look up admiringly at his giggling brother.

“Don’t you think Uncle is all those things too?” Fili asked, offering his hand that was clasped by a smaller one. Kili stood up and Fili picked the bits of leaves and pine needles out of the unruly dark hair.

“Well, yes.” Kili said thoughtfully, tilting his head to the side. “But Uncle Thorin is so grumpy all the time! And you’re much more fun, brother!”

At this Fili laughed, knowing exactly what the younger boy wanted. Looking at the big goofy grin that always warmed his heart Fili knew he wouldn’t be able to resist. He let out a sigh and rolled his eyes as he said, “Alright,” and allowed his little brother to climb up onto his back with a few uncomfortable tugs and pulls here and there.

With the little dwarf’s legs wrapped snugly around Fili’s waist and arms hugging his neck, Fili set back to walking through the forest.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“You’re going to burn a hole straight through him if you keep staring like that, lad.”

Fili’s head snapped up in surprise at the sound of the voice. He turned to see a mischievous-looking Bofur grinning at him from behind the pipe he was somehow smoking in the downpour. He had evidently been watching the young prince knowingly for some time now, carefully evaluating the scowl that had been previously set upon his face until just a moment ago.

“What do you mean?” Fili asked, sitting up a little straighter for some reason, his brow slightly furrowed. He suddenly felt like a child again; about to be reprimanded for something he shouldn’t have been doing, ready to hide behind his mother’s skirts.

Bofur chuckled. “Ah, it’s perfectly alright. I might be a bit resentful if I had to stare my future in the face every day, too.” he said, looking ahead with a smirk.

Fili looked back down quickly, feeling somewhat ashamed. Were his thoughts so obvious? 

“But…” Bofur said taking another long mouthful from the pipe and blowing it back out into the cold air, “that future is still a long way off. Remember, we still have to face countless perils, the possibility of certain death, and defeat a man-eating, fire-breathing dragon that’s likely going to incinerate us on the spot!” he exclaimed cheerfully. 

Fili let out a low sigh of defeat, looking wearily at his smiling companion. Bofur certainly had an odd sense of humor-one he didn’t particularly understand most of the time. It was probably why he got along so well with Dwalin who was lumbering alongside his weary pony in the falling rain, looking less pleased than his satirical counterpart. As he did his heavy boot fell into a rather large puddle and filled with the frigid muddy water.

“AUGH! For the love of-” Dwalin shouted gruffly, throwing around various extremities and a few curses in Khuzdul, frothing with rage from a combination of cold, exhaustion, frustration and of course, wet socks. He took off his water-logged boot and hurled it into the tangle of trees beside the path, which Balin went and retrieved with a sigh and look of strained patience at his younger brother’s temper.

Bofur snorted and looked back at Fili. “Don’t walk as if all the weight of Erebor is already on your shoulders, lad.” He said sympathetically, clapping his hand on the younger dwarf’s back. “Besides,” he said, straightening up in his saddle again, “I know of one person whose spirits have not yet been dampened by the responsibility of royalty.”

Knowing precisely of whom he was speaking and the said person’s whereabouts, Fili turned to look at his incorrigible younger brother who was, of course, finding a way to entertain himself. At that exact moment Kili was holding a stick and poking at the back of Bombur’s neck, making poor Bombur’s pony sway to the side a few steps every time he shifted to scratch at the mysterious itch. Feeling his brother’s gaze on him, Kili turned around to grin at Fili who couldn’t resist but chuckling at the foolish antics. 

Shaking his head, the smile slowly turned sad as Fili glanced over at Bofur. “It is not the weight of Erebor that worries me…”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

His arms were beginning to tire from carrying his brother. The younger boy hadn’t spoken in so long Fili thought he was asleep until he suddenly felt a tug on his braid.

“Look Fee! A turtle!” Kili said excitedly, shimmying off his brother’s back to chase after the animal that was making its way down the rocky bank of a creek.

Fili followed Kili as he always followed his little brother, trailing not too far behind, making sure he didn’t get into too much trouble. Every once in a while Kili would momentarily pause to turn around and make sure Fili was still there. Despite the fact that he had never once found himself alone, Kili was always comforted to find his big brother only a few paces away.

Kili crouched down and observed the turtle in rapt fascination. Its wrinkly green limbs stretched out slowly with each careful step, one rough foot placed down after another. Timidly, he reached out his small hand to trace the repeated square pattern of the turtle’s waxy shell. The turtle dragged itself and the home upon its back a few steps more before receding into the safety and comfort of its hollow house, hiding from the world and two intruding young dwarves. 

“He’s probably from the Lonely Mountain.” said Kili and picked it up.

“That’s quite a long way for one little turtle to travel.” Fili said. “What makes you think that?”

“Because his shell looks like the walls of Erebor!” the younger brother exclaimed, holding the turtle directly in front of the older’s face for proof.

Fili let out a little laugh, “But you’ve never even been there!”

“Neither have you!” Kili replied indignantly, his face changing immediately from mirth to seriousness then he turned his back and hunched his shoulders. The extremely quick transition was one of the many things about his brother that had always amused Fili and he refrained from indulging the laughter that threatened to bubble over his lips, should he offend Kili even more.

“Well then, what does it look like?” he asked, leaning around Kili playfully not wanting to have his brother upset with him.  
Kili sat down cross-legged, holding the turtle in his lap, staring into the shell. “Well,” he began begrudgingly as Fili sat down on the rocky bank next to him, “it’s really, really big! And everything is made of stone and there’s delicious food and pretty gold everywhere. Everybody is happy all the time because there are lots of fun toys to play with like the ones Bifur and Bofur make for us and even the men like them because they buy loads at the markets. And even though it’s under a mountain, it’s really bright and warm like this.” he said, the smile having returned to his face.

“And how do you know all of his?” 

“Because Uncle Thorin told me about it. He said it’s the most wonderful place ever and that we’re going to go there someday and take it back from that nasty old dragon!” he said pointedly, lifting his chin in a show of defiance but Fili saw the way his grasp tightened a bit on the turtle at the idea of Smaug. 

“And what will happen after that?” Fili asked, rather amused.

Kili contemplated this question for a while, still waiting for the turtle to emerge from hiding. “After that, you’ll be the King and I can stay with you, then we’ll be happy there together forever.” 

Fili leaned over so his shoulder was touching Kili’s and Kili rested his messy hair on his brother’s arm. A warm summer breeze passed over the brothers’ faces and the rays of sunlight danced across the cool water, reflecting in their brown and blue eyes. The creek bubbled and flowed over the time-smoothed rocks, making its way down the well-worn path to some unknown lake or river, carrying with it the promise of those words.

Forever…


	2. Chapter 2

Kili pretended to be enthralled by the little robin sheltered from the rain on a low hanging branch of a great oak tree. The bird tilted its head to the side and chirped a few notes as if in curiosity at the sight of the dwarf who was doing his best not to smile.

Bombur turned around in a huff, annoyed by whatever had been tickling his neck for what felt like the past five miles. He swatted furiously in the air muttering unintelligible words while his pony did its best to keep its footing and not topple under the massive teetering weight, which appeared to be a rather formidable task as Bombur was flapping his arms all around his head to ward off the invisible nuisance.

Kili felt his serious expression quickly breaking and with a small laugh he turned to smile over his shoulder at Fili. His brother was riding next to Bofur and had already been watching him. Fili chuckled slightly and shook his head, looking down at the reigns in his grasp, which would have been a normal reaction were it not for his eyes.

Fili looked up from under his dark, rain drenched hood and Kili's chest suddenly clenched up. His breath hitched in his throat and his face became a mixture of confusion and worry and questioning all at once, but just as soon as their eyes had met, Fili turned back to Bofur and was speaking with him again.

His mind worked rapidly as Kili searched for some overlooked explanation and for a brief moment he wondered if he had only imagined the sad expression on his brother's face. Everyone else around him looked perfectly miserable and with good cause too. It hadn't stopped raining for hours but Thorin insisted on continuing, the entire Company was soaked to the bone, and the only thing that lay in front of them was a path leading straight to a dragon's front door.

And yet, Kili could not shake the image of those pale blue eyes…

He continued to stare unwaveringly at his brother while he sat twisted around in his saddle, completely at a loss for what could have happened seemingly between breakfast and then. The sudden idea that perhaps it was something he had done made Kili's stomach drop instantaneously. Beginning to believe now that he could have possibly been the cause of those sad eyes, he felt as though an invisible fist was crushing his heart and wouldn't let go. Since when did such a small look have such control over him?

Of course he had remembered Fili looking sad before, but it had never made him feel like this. Like he couldn't seem to let go of the breath he was holding, or calm his pounding heart, or see anything else but his brother whom he admired so much, whom he adored.

"Wait…" Kili thought to himself slowly. "Adore?"

The gears in his head turned even slower than usual as he puzzled over the meaning of that last word and the implications it held. His thoughts were shattered however, by Thorin's call to make camp and Dori's exaggerated sigh.

"Finally!" the extremely annoyed dwarf next to him said in an exasperated voice. "Now we can get out of this confounded rain! If I don't see another drop in all my life I should be quite content." He exclaimed, tightening the cloak around himself. Gloin grunted next to him in bitter agreement, looking rather like a drowned rat.

The Company halted and the abrupt stop allowed him to clear his head, but Kili couldn't help glancing over his shoulder again at Fili who looked deeply lost in thought.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Don't cry, Kili." Fili said as the younger boy sniffed and a drug a sleeve across his stuffy pink nose. "I won't be gone for very long." He knelt down and wiped the tears away from the watering brown eyes with a smile. "Uncle Thorin is just taking me out to hunt for a little while and then I'll be back."

"But why can't I go too?" Kili whimpered, his bottom lip beginning to quiver.

"Because Thorin says you aren't old enough and that it's time I started learning to how to be a prince. If I'm going to be king someday then I have to know lots of stuff, right?"

"I guess so…" Kili said, looking down dejectedly and hiccupping with the effort of not crying. He clenched his little fists at his side, trying his best to understand and be brave.

Fili took one of the balled up fists in his own hand and tugged playfully at a strand of Kili's dark brown hair that always seemed to be in his face. "Remember," he said when Kili finally looked at him, "We're going to be together forever, okay?"

Kili could not longer hold his wavering composure and he threw himself at his big brother, wrapping his arms around his neck and burying his face into the golden strands. Fili hugged him back tightly while the little boy sniffed and hiccupped even louder. He muttered something indecipherable into Fili's shoulder and held on to him with a viselike grip, as if he could physically keep his brother from leaving him.

"What did you say?" Fili asked, attempting to loosen the hold slightly.

"I said…" Kili repeated, his words trailing off into mumbles again as he buried his face even further into the gold mane.

"Didn't quite catch that?"

Slowly, Kili disentangled himself from Fili and he slumped back with his head hanging low. "I said I don't want to be away from you, brother…"

A sigh passed Fili's lips and again he wiped the tears from the big brown eyes staring at him intently like it was the last time they would ever see him. He held the flushing cheeks in his hands and brought their heads together.

"I'll be back soon, I promise." He whispered and placed a small kiss on Kili's forehead.

At that moment Thorin stepped in through the arching doorway, closely followed by Dis. She looked concerned that the world might suddenly come crashing down all around her sons and Kili certainly felt that it was a possibility. Dis walked over to where the two boys stood together and she placed a gentle hand on Kili's shoulder.

"Fili, come," Thorin said in a low voice, "It's time for us to go." His and Dis' eyes met and he released a strained sigh.

Fili squeezed Kili's hand then stood and crossed the room over to where Thorin stood. Kili suddenly felt as though an entire ocean now lay between him and his brother and he turned his face into his mother's skirts for comfort as only children do. He heard the footsteps beginning to leave the room and he peered out to watch his brother go. Fili smiled at him and gave a small wave, then singing in Iglishmek he gently tapped his fist against his heart twice.

I love you brother.

Kili sniffed again and Dis gently lifted him up into her arms and rocked him back and forth while he watched through the window as Fili briefly glanced back, looking more heartbroken than ever.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mechanically Kili picked up fallen branches for their fire. He trudged along through the forest with the occasional "plunk" of water droplets falling onto his hood, but his mind never wandered away from Fili. A slight feeling of relief had washed over him when Thorin told him to go collect firewood and had instructed Fili to unsaddle the ponies as it would give him some time to breathe and gather his thoughts.

What had started out as a perfectly normal day with playing pranks and telling awful jokes to his brother had somehow turned dark and brooding, befitting of the current weather. Half of him wanted to run directly to Fili and demand he tell him what was wrong but the other half that stopped him was afraid of what Fili might say or what unknown thing might come out of his own mouth after his recent thought that afternoon.

It still troubled him, though he tried to dismiss the notion of adoration as something all brothers shared. But every time he stole a glance at Ori timidly assisting Nori in preparing supper or Oin and Gloin bickering over which type of potatoes tasted better in a stew, he could not truly admit that their sentiments were the same as his, despite how little he understood of his emotions himself. While he, of course, knew that the brothers loved one another, he could not seem to detect any sign that they felt the same butterflies which fluttered in his stomach and made his face feel hot any time he so much as looked in the general direction of Fili.

His confusion was quickly progressing to anger and frustration. Again he risked a small glance over at where Fili stood, brushing the tangles out of the mane of one of the ponies and in his distraction he accidentally stumbled over a tree root, causing him to drop all of the branches he had collected. They fell everywhere and Kili kicked the tree nearest to him, instantly recoiling in pain and cursing the very life of the oak and all its kin as he jumped on one leg holding his injured foot. On the verge of starting a one-way fist fight, Kili's rampage was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder.

Kili turned around to see Bifur regarding him with what appeared to be sympathy and understanding? He really couldn't be sure since he had only ever seen the dwarf in a frothing rage or entirely stoic and indifferent. The conspicuous axe-head sticking out of his skull also made judging his emotions a bit of a challenge, aside from the fact that he also only spoke in ancient Dwarvish which no one in the Company could interpret. Needless to say, Bifur wasn't exactly the most talkative of the dwarves, nor was he the first person Kili sought when he was particularly troubled.

However, he found Bifur's company somewhat comforting then and with a deep sigh he sat down, his back resting against the victorious tree. Bifur continued to stand in the same spot patiently, not waiting for anything in particular but just waiting.

"I don't understand what's wrong." Kili finally said with his head in his hands. He looked up at Bifur who was listening intently, or at least he seemed to be, and decided to continue on, "Everything was fine today, or at least I thought it was until he made that face and I felt awful. I don't think I've ever seen him look so sad in all my life." Kili paused, picturing the blue eyes for the hundredth time. "And he's such a terrific actor, too isn't he?" he pointed a finger over at the camp, not daring to actually look, "You would probably never guess he had a single thing troubling him, the way he goes on as if nothing were wrong! But I can always tell. Like the other day when Dwalin was telling that story to everyone about the first time Fili ever tried archery but he put the tail end of the arrow on first? Oh, he laughed along with everyone else of course, but I knew how annoyed and embarrassed he was because he hasn't touched a bow or arrow since!" Kili said, grinning at the memory of Fili tramping off into the woods while Dwalin roared with laughter and even Balin had had a small grin on his face. "I always thought that perhaps that was why he decided to wield two swords instead of just one; to compensate for his lack of skill in archery and prove that he could master something."

Bifur continued to stare with unchanging eyes but Kili was already speaking again.

"Sometimes it feels as though half of everything he thinks about is being a proper heir and not disappointing Thorin, which we so often seem to do," he said with a smirk. "It's a perfectly idiotic idea if you ask me! Being a prince but having no kingdom or real throne to inherit…really, what's the point in that when we're probably just going to be barbecued by that dragon the minute he lays eyes on us?" Kili threw his hands in the air and slumped down even further against the roots, folding his arms across his chest with a sigh.

"Whatever Fili is hiding must be a very important secret if even I didn't notice it until today. What do you think it could be about?" Kili asked eagerly, turning towards Bifur who now had one bushy eyebrow raised. "Oh, right. I forgot about the whole…axe…thing." He absentmindedly touched his own forehead and was momentarily lost in thought, imagining how the blade had gotten wedged into the dwarf's skull and pondering over what Bifur must have done to his assailant afterwards.

"Do you think it's weird?" Kili questioned his silent listener, "I mean, Oin and Gloin don't obsess over the reasoning behind each other's 'sad eyes.' And Balin and Dwalin certainly don't blush like silly elves whenever they happen to look at one another!" Kili chuckled slightly at the mental image, "Although, more than once I've caught Bofur sneaking a glance over at the Halfling or offering him some of his supper when he thinks no one is looking. The redness in his cheeks went all the way to his ears when Bilbo said how kind he was, I'm sure of it!" he laughed, remembering the previous night's meal.

For a moment Kili became quiet as he played with a blade of grass he had pulled from the ground. He twirled the green strand around between his fingers while looking pensive, his expression becoming grimmer.

"At least it isn't his own brother…" he mumbled more to himself than to Bifur, dropping the blade of grass and watching it fall gently to the forest floor.

They sat like that for some minutes, neither of them saying a word until finally Kili looked up at Bifur earnestly and asked, "What should I do?"

Silently with the same expression as when he had first arrived, Bifur turned to look over at Fili who had now moved on to a different pony, and then turned back to Kili, cocking his head to the side with his eyebrows slightly raised.

A low groan came out of Kili's mouth and he thumped his head back against the tree. "I suppose you're probably right," he said as he slowly stood up and brushed the dirt off himself. He walked up to Bifur and put out his arm, which was received with the same gesture and they bumped forearms together. "Wish me luck," Kili sighed with a smile, "I have a feeling I'll need it."

Bifur gave a small grin and shook his head as he watched the dwarf walk through the darkening forest back into the light of the campfire towards Fili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst and fluff! Woo! But no, for real...this is so angsty oh my god. Someday I'll write something light and funny - BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY! 
> 
> Also, critiques are very welcomed and appreciated :D
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Fili’s hands absentmindedly fumbled with the knots in the pony’s mane as his eyes scanned the trees for the spot where Kili had disappeared into the forest over an hour ago. Just as he began to wonder how long it took someone to collect firewood, Kili's figure emerged from the brush and Fili's eyes quickly darted back down to his task, faking a look of absorbed concentration, though on the inside he felt immense relief. After a moment, however, his previous feelings of anxiety and anticipation returned.

He stole a quick glance as Kili was walking towards him and he noticed the hunch in his younger brother’s shoulders. It concerned Fili and he momentarily forgot that he was supposed to be focused on the pony until Kili looked up at him. He felt somehow embarrassed, like he was naked and Kili could see straight through him, but he pushed the ridiculous feeling aside and assumed his usual cheery composure.

“I see your search for the firewood went well,” Fili said, gesturing to Kili’s empty hands just as the dwarf had opened his mouth to speak. Immediately Kili looked down as if surprised to find that he was carrying nothing, then cursing, whipped his head back to the patch of trees from which Bifur had just exited, holding a large pile of sticks.

“Uh, I…” Kili muttered.

“You do realize little brother, that wood comes from trees that are in forests?” Fili joked. Kili kept opening and closing his mouth like he wanted to say something, but then though better of it each time. Fili sighed and rolled his eyes, “What trouble have you gotten yourself into now?” he asked, suspecting that the younger dwarf had shrugged off yet another chore to go exploring instead.

“I’m not in trouble!” Kili blurted out.

Fili laughed at the childlike indignation. “At least not until Thorin finds out that you went off on another adventure; and without me too!” 

“No! I would never go anywhere without you!” Kili said, suddenly seeming to realize how loud his voice had gotten and how close he was standing to his brother because he shut his mouth and took a step back, looking down at the ground. 

Fili’s heart skipped a beat but his brain told his anxious heart to calm down, that it had meant nothing. However, he could not deny his quickening pulse and the desire to hear Kili say those exact same words again, but whispered softly, entwined in one another’s embrace. Blood flushed his cheeks and heat rushed through is entire body and Fili was grateful that Kili was looking at the dirt instead of him, because he felt quite certain that his face was bright red at that moment. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and asked what his muddled head thought was a normal question.

“Well then, what were you doing?”

Kili looked up and said simply, “I was talking with Bifur.”

“You were talking…with Bifur?” Fili asked slowly, making sure he had heard correctly. 

“Yes.” 

An awkward pause fell between the two brothers as they stared at one another in confusion, then finally realizing the implications that his previous statement had held, Kili stammered out an explanation. “Well, we weren’t talking talking. It’s more like I was talking and he was listening, which was a bit odd, honestly, but I think he’s really got quite a bit going on up there, you know?” he said, and upon seeing Fili’s raised eyebrows he added, “for having an axe in his head, I mean.”

“Uh-huh…” Fili contemplated checking to see if his brother had caught a fever from being out in the rain all day. Kili often babbled on senselessly about absurd things, but he seemed rather on edge and nervous, which was unusual for someone who was always so confident and sure of himself, even bordering on being cocky sometimes. 

For a split second Fili worried that Kili had somehow discovered his shameful feelings for him or had sensed his growing resentment for their uncle or possibly even both. His heart always leapt to the worst conclusion but his logic urged him to continue the conversation in as normal a manner as he possibly could, and maybe then he could discover for certain if Kili knew his secrets. 

“So then, what did you two chat about?” he tried to ask smoothly, but his throat caught in his mouth and he coughed a little bit.   
Kili became visibly tense. Fili saw his hands clench at his sides and his brow crease. Confusion was suddenly etched all over Fili’s face and it rapidly turned to fear and worry, but at what he didn’t know. 

“Kili, what is it?” he asked quietly, taking a step forward and laying his hand gently on the other’s arm. His heart sank when he felt Kili stiffen under his touch but stopped when their eyes locked together. The brothers stared at one another with the same hesitant expression and just when Fili felt like he couldn’t look into the burning brown eyes any longer, Kili opened his mouth to speak. 

“Fili, I-” he began but was cut off by Thorin’s gruff and rather annoyed voice.

“Kili!” the voice barked and both boys started at the sudden interruption. They broke apart, standing awkwardly side by side while the entire camp’s eyes stared in their direction. “Perhaps you can explain to me why I tasked you with collecting firewood and yet you have returned with nothing?” Thorin growled, only mere inches away from his nephew’s face.

Kili stared fixedly at his feet, too ashamed to even glance up and all Fili wanted at that moment was to pull his baby brother into his arms and protect him from the rest of the world. But instead, he remained rooted to the ground, immobilized by his uncle’s glare. 

“Where is the usually quick-witted tongue of yours now, nephew?” Thorin asked, the malice in his tone making Fili’s blood begin to boil and his jaw grind. “Have you no childish excuses for me today?”

“Thorin,” Fili said warningly, taking a step forward, the low growl in his voice matching that of his uncle’s. 

The older dwarf’s eyes snapped over to the blond, fixing their stony gaze upon him, “This does not concern you.” he snarled. His attention switched back to Kili who looked more uncomfortable than ever, his hands curled up into fists, useless at his side as he observed the malicious exchange between his kin, appearing quite caught in the middle. 

“Go help Balin so he can watch over you and treat you like the child you apparently wish to be…” Thorin said, and then turned his face away from Kili and Fili to the light of the campfire.

Fili was about to protest or shout or hit Thorin, anything that would retaliate for the blow their uncle had so skillfully and knowingly delivered to his nephew’s weak spot, but he was silenced by the embarrassment and anguish in Kili’s eyes. His brother looked stunned and hurt to be belittled by the king he so greatly admired. Fili began to reach out to catch his hand and comfort him, assure him that Thorin’s words were untrue, yet Kili was already stalking away, ignoring the eyes of the camp that followed him. Fili watched his brother go and turned back to Thorin, a burning rage flaming in his stomach and the fire’s reflection in his eyes. 

Thorin sighed heavily and looked at him with remorse and guilt carved into every feature, making him look years older than he was, but the moment passed and again he assumed his kingly composure, leaving Fili standing by himself feeling as if his own fire would engulf him entirely.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Fili shuffled around his room, collecting things from drawers and stowing them neatly into his rucksack, unlike Kili who was hastily throwing practically all of his possessions to the growing mountain on his bed. Kili darted back and forth, still talking excitedly about dragons and goblins and orcs, but Fili wasn’t listening. He sat down on his bed and looked around their shared bedroom, remembering all the moments of their childhood that had passed in the small space and he wondered if he would ever see it again. A hand ran through the soft furs on the bed and Fili gazed at his little brother, a deep sigh passing his lips for the millionth time. 

‘Just do it,’ he thought to himself. ‘Just get up and do it or you might not ever have another chance.’ But his body remained exactly where it was, frozen in place. ‘How can I possibly tell him?’ he debated with himself. ‘And what if he’s disgusted or scared of me…what if I fail him as an older brother? Who else will he have? Who would he turn to? It would be all my fault, he’d never trust me again.’ It was the same old argument and counterargument he’d had in his head a hundred times, and always it had the same outcome. Fili would debate himself from every angle, but each time he would remain silent, deciding it was better to stay Kili’s protective big brother and nothing more, to stay as Fili and Kili instead of just Fili. 

“Are you even listening?” Kili asked, gently pushing the blonde’s head to pull him out of the trance. He looked up in surprise at Kili, suddenly torn away from all of his thoughts. 

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

“I said, what are you going to do with your share of the treasure?” he asked exasperatedly.

“I don’t know,” Fili said, shrugging his shoulders, “I guess I haven’t thought about it much.”

Kili flopped down onto Fili’s bed and started laughing next to him.

“What?” Fili demanded, lightly punching his giggling brother’s shoulder.

“You, the king of constant brooding and planning ahead, haven’t thought about it much?” he said, still laughing and holding his sides. 

“I do not brood!” Fili said defensively, which only made Kili laugh more. He went to shove his brother again but Kili caught his hand and pulled him on top of himself, then in one fluid motion he rolled over so he was sitting on top of Fili, pinning down his arms by his head. Fili squirmed and struggled underneath, but Kili was actually quite strong. The dwarf’s hanging brown hair tickled his cheeks and neck, sending little shivers up his spine, but Kili seemed unaware of the effect he had on his brother because he was still laughing just as before, the same amused grin on his face.

“You’re a terrible liar, brother.” he chuckled. Their faces were only inches apart and Fili could feel the heat from Kili’s breath and his constitution quickly breaking. With all of his strength he pushed his brother to the side and left him snickering to himself on the bed as Fili stood up and attempted to distract himself by packing again. 

“And you’re a great big brat.” Fili said, stuffing items into the bag a bit more hastily than before. 

Kili snickered from where he lay on the bed, then rolled over on to his stomach so he could see Fili crouched by a chest on the floor, sorting through its contents.”I wonder what made Thorin change his mind?” he pondered out loud.

“What do you mean?” Fili asked, a momentary vision of Thorin’s forge flashed through his mind, sparks flying from the red hot steel. 

“Well, why did he suddenly decide that I could join the Company?” 

Again, Fili shrugged his shoulders, his back facing Kili. “I don’t know. Maybe he just had a change of heart.”

Kili laughed, “That would certainly be a first for our uncle.” 

The room grew silent for a few minutes and all that could be heard was the shuffle of fabric as Fili folded clothes to be packed and Kili’s slow steady breathing. 

“Hey, Fili,” he said. The older dwarf turned around and felt his heart suddenly tighten to the point of bursting. Kili was lying on his stomach, watching his brother through half-lidded eyes, their stare searing into him like a hot iron. His brown hair was a perfect mess from their wrestling, falling over his face in just the right places that made Fili’s stomach do flips and his lips were slightly open with half his face nuzzled into the furs as he regarded Fili with a gentle expression. “I’m really glad I get to go with you.”

“Yeah, me too, Kili.” Fili replied a little breathlessly and their mouths broke into matching grins. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A fire blazed at the feet of the Company, making them feel exponentially more cheery, especially since the rain had stopped falling and they all held warm bowls of soup in their grasp. Fili sat a few seats away from Kili, in between Ori and Bofur, trying to appear as if he was greatly enthralled in Dori’s story of how he had once attacked Nori upon mistakenly taking the shadow of his hair for some looming monster. Everyone around the fire laughed heartily, aside from Thorin of course, and Kili whose brooding eyes had not left his brother’s face since sitting down. 

It was taking all of his willpower to not continually glance at the younger dwarf, which Kili had apparently no problem with, seeing how he had done nothing but blatantly stare at Fili for the past hour. Fili wished Kili would direct his attention elsewhere because his entire body felt hot under observation and it was impossible to ignore Kili’s intense eyes. While Fili was a bit more discrete in his emotions, his little brother had always worn his heart on his sleeve; every single thought that passed through his mind was clearly visible on his face and this time was no exception. 

Through the corner of his eye Fili saw Bombur, who was seated next to Kili, point at Kili’s bowl of soup and ask something, to which Kili replied by shoving the bowl into his hands and standing up. The Company regarded him with curiosity but before any of them could speak he silenced their questions by mumbling something about “going to collect more firewood,” despite the sizeable, untouched pile still remaining. With a last burning stare at Fili, Kili turned and headed off into the woods alone.

Fili tried to appear just as baffled as everyone else and shrug off the looks they were giving him by saying, “It’s just Kili being Kili.”

Dwalin chimed in shaking his head, “That boy is as wild as a warg, and stubborn as one too” which left everyone around the fire chuckling at the boy’s youthfulness, Fili only laughing halfheartedly. 

Everyone was oblivious to Fili’s internal struggle of whether to stay and pretend to laugh as if nothing were wrong or follow Kili and have to face a confrontation with possibly disastrous results. Everyone except Bofur. He gave Fili a sympathetic smile and looked in the direction of the trees where Kili had disappeared.

“Go after him,” he grinned softly, putting a hand on Fili’s shoulder. 

Taking a deep breath, the dwarf gathered his courage and stood, using the excuse of helping Kili to disappear into the woods after his brother. Across the fire he saw Bifur give him a small nod as he left, which filled him with a distracted confusion, but it only lasted a moment before his mind was consumed by the desire to find Kili. He heard the voice of Balin telling a tale of a reckless and young Dwalin, followed by the roaring laughter of the dwarves and the smell of pipe weed from Gandalf’s multicolored smoke rings as he stalked into the forest.

Fili trampled through the darkness, following the broken path he hoped Kili had taken, because losing your way in these woods at night would certainly mean a night spent lost and alone. Luckily, however, he heard the crunching of leaves not far off and soon enough Kili’s sulking figure was visible through the brush. 

Finally catching up to the younger dwarf, who was rather fast, Fili walked a few paces behind, smirking. 

“Where are you off to now, brother?” he asked as he picked his way carefully through the woods. “You’re missing a lovely story about the mishap that led to Dwalin’s magnificent mohawk back in his younger days.” he chuckled in a forced manner.

Kili turned around abruptly and his serious expression made Fili stop in his tracks.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

Slightly taken aback at his forwardness, Fili lost a bit of the false smile he wore.

“I am looking at you.”

“But you wouldn’t earlier.”

“You’re imagining things.” Fili said, beginning to walk again. “I think you must have caught a fever from all that rain,” he joked nonchalantly.

Kili caught Fili’s wrist and grasped it firmly, turning him so he could look into the other’s eyes. 

“I’m serious, brother.”

“You truly worry yourself over nothing.” he said, trying his best to sound convincing, but it just came out as tired. “After all, it is I who should be worried about you.”

Kili continued to hold Fili’s wrist for a few more moments, staring at him with a tortured, strangled look in his eyes. He finally let the elder slip from his grasp and watched the golden hair move into the shadows a few more paces before speaking again.

“You’re keeping something from me!” he shouted into the darkness, desperately hoping to catch Fili’s attention, which he did, for the dwarf spun back around and gaped at his brother.

“Me? What about you?” 

“I¬¬-what? You think I’m the one keeping secrets!”

“Of course you are!” Fili barked back at Kili, moving to where his brother stood defiantly. 

Kili scoffed in mock amusement. “Well I’m certainly not the one who’s been acting cold and distant. You think I cannot see the way you pretend to laugh along with everyone else while something is clearly troubling you?” he asked, his icy tone cutting through Fili, but he refused to give in so easily. He deflected Kili’s questions and searching glance effortlessly.

“And what about you, brother? Why could you not tell me what you spoke of with Bifur today if you have no secrets to keep?” Fili inquired, feeling satisfied by Kili’s stunned expression as he searched for the words to say, how to reply. 

“But, I – that’s not fair!” Kili whined helplessly. 

Fili almost wanted to laugh but he continued to wear his smug, victorious grin instead, sure that he had won their verbal battle. He had always been the better one with words. “Not everything is fair, baby brother. Now, what were you two talking about?”   
“Nothing.” Kili spat, frustrated at being bested in his own argument. 

“Tell me!” Fili snapped, growing more and more impatient and annoyed with each second.

Kili crossed his arms over his chest and grinned down mockingly at his older brother who stood a few inches shorter than himself, obviously pleased to see Fili losing his temper. “No.”

“Augh! You’re such a child!” Fili shouted in Kili’s face, then abruptly turned around and started walking back towards the camp and away from his enraging brother, only making it a few steps before he was tackled to the ground.

“Don’t call me that!” Kili growled angrily as he wrestled with Fili in the dirt for dominance. The boys rolled on top of one another, alternately pinning each other down before the other would become even more incensed and force his way on top. They scrabbled in the dirt for power but neither would actually hit the other, not wanting to cause them true harm, but still fighting for the advantage.

Finally Fili allowed himself to be pressed against the earth while he gulped in air. He had forgotten that although he was usually the victor in battles of wit, Kili had always been better at the actual physical battles. The realization came too late and his face was flushed from the struggle as Kili sat atop him, pinning him down with all of his weight. 

Both boys breathed heavily as they stared at one another and Fili felt regret washing over him as he looked into the deep brown eyes. 

“I’m sorry Kili.” he said quietly, his voice not more than a whisper. “I didn’t mean it.”

“I know…” Kili replied, still not taking his hands off of Fili’s wrists, but loosening their grip.

“Any of it. You must believe me,” Fili said pleadingly. “I never wanted to keep anything from you, it’s just that,”

“What?” Kili asked, his eyes burning into Fili.

“It’s just that I can’t tell you. I’m the eldest; I’m the one who should be concerned about you. It’s not fair for me to burden you with all my troubles.” Fili mumbled, turning his face away. 

“Fili,” his brother said softly, “I would share everything with you.”

Fili felt weak underneath Kili and his intense stare was breaking him down bit by bit, but still he resisted the collapse despite Kili’s face being so close to his own, their breath mingling together. Fear and panic gripped Fili’s heart when he suddenly realized that Kili was getting closer and his eyes growing softer as they looked at him, his parted lips moved towards Fili’s own and the pair collided in unrefined passion. 

Kili kissed Fili hard and for a few moments Fili’s walls crumbled as he allowed Kili’s tongue to enter his mouth, gliding over his own. A small, weak noise escaped his throat and he pulled away from Kili.

“No.” was all he could manage to say.

“You don’t want this?” Kili asked, searching Fili’s face.

“No – I! I don’t know...” Fili mumbled, completely confused as to whether he should listen to his screaming heart urging him on or his guilty head, desperately trying to pull him back.

“You’re such a terrible liar,” Kili chuckled, making Fili look up at him, wondering what could possibly be funny about this mess. “And now I know your secret.” he whispered before pressing himself on Fili once more and this time Fili did not protest, but kissed him back roughly, letting the admonishments of his mind fade away as he melted into Kili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, Jane Eyre, get out of my head! There's fire symbolism everywhere in my writing now. Damn yooooou!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took me ages to write. I should really never attempt multi-chapter fics…I'm too lazy. But anyways, thanks to everyone who stuck around to read it (it's not over yet) and a super big thank you to my beta, ella-whispers-what for helping me out loads with my fics! This would probably still be chilling in my document files without her!

Thorin watched as Kili stalked off into the woods, then his eyes moved back to the spot Kili had been staring at the entire evening. He observed the interaction between his eldest nephew and Bofur suspiciously before Fili ran off after his little brother, not even taking half a moment to glance back at Thorin. The rest of the Company laughed without inhibition, but Thorin stared into the crackling, popping fire and wondered when it had happened. When had they stopped coming to him with their troubles?

He gazed long into the flame, so long that he didn't even realize the other Dwarves were preparing to retire to their bedrolls until Gandalf laid a large hand on his shoulder.

"I would not deem it wise to stare for so long," he said, sitting down next to his companion with a heavy sigh.

"Is this the counsel of a wizard?" Thorin asked, finally breaking his concentration.

"No," Gandalf said, raising his eyebrows, "it is the counsel of common sense."

A weak smile crossed Thorin's lips and he rubbed his chin in thought. The two sat silently for a few minutes, Gandalf taking puffs out of his long wooden pipe and Thorin continuing his pensive reflection before passing a hand over his face.

"How am I supposed to raise them if I never even know what's troubling them?"

Gandalf chuckled quietly next to Thorin. "I wouldn't worry yourself too deeply; not even someone as wise and as old as myself could divulge to you the secret of understanding youth."

Thorin sighed heavily at the truth in the statement, momentarily remembering his own whirlwind adolescence and wondering how he had managed not to get himself killed. He had been just as reckless as Kili and just as eager to fight as Fili.

"I sometimes fear my heirs have gotten the worst parts of me," Thorin muttered, more to himself than to Gandalf.

"Perhaps," Gandalf said, shifting his position to extract more pipe weed from the little pouch at his side, "you might consider thinking of them as your nephews rather than just as your heirs."

The words felt like a heavy blow to his chest and Thorin suddenly felt the weight of guilt bearing down on him, crushing him. He had begun to feel the gap between him and his family that seemed to grow wider with every single step he took towards Erebor turning into a cavernous trench he feared he might never be able to cross again.

"Although, I do not think that they have inherited the worst parts of you, no. Just your stubbornness." The wizard said with a wink. "You've done a fine job of bringing up your nephews; they're loyal, courageous, and above all they have good hearts. You need not worry so heavily about the future, for each day will bring what it will and all you can do is resolve the issue in front of you…and right now I think your nephews need an uncle more than they need a king."

"But how can I speak to them? Kili won't even look at me and Fili looks as if he would like nothing more than to annihilate me." Thorin forced his fists to unclench and he brought his hands up to his head to rub his temples, easing back the growing headache.

"You love your nephews, Thorin?" Gandalf asked lightly.

Thorin brought his hand away from his face to reveal serious eyes and a hard-set jaw. "Of course I do. No one could question that."

"Then you would accept them regardless?"

"What are you trying to say, Gandalf? Speak plainly." His head was already pounding too much to be able to decipher riddles, much less the riddles of a wizard.

Gandalf laughed at his impatience and clear lack of appreciation for lengthy, cryptic conversations. "What I am saying, Thorin, is perhaps your nephews share more than just a fraternal bond."

The king's brow creased in confusion, wondering if this was still another puzzle to be solved, but slowly the message of the words sank in and despite the fact that he was already seated Thorin felt like he might fall. A million thoughts crossed his mind at once and all he could say was, "How? How could they hide such a thing for so long?"

Again Gandalf chuckled, this time at the surprised and disbelieving expression on Thorin's face. "Ah, and that is exactly the answer." He reveled for a moment in the Dwarf's confusion before mercifully granting him an explanation, "You cannot hide what you do not know."

* * *

"So this is your decision?"

The clang of metal on metal that had filled the room fell silent.

"What decision?" asked Thorin, remaining with his back facing the visitor. He raised the hammer again and returned to bending the hot metal in front of him, blow by heavy blow. Red sparks flew with each collision like tiny fireworks that illuminated the king's face but left the rest of his body and his company in shadow as he worked.

"The one that tears me away from my brother!"

Thorin sighed to himself; he had been waiting for this. "Kili is too young for a quest so dangerous. He lacks experience."

Fili scoffed audibly behind him. "Experience? You would choose toy makers and cooks over the best archer in Ered Luin because he is _too young_?"

"Kili is but a child. He's not ready for this yet." Thorin answered with strained patience. He forced himself to focus on delivering the blows precisely, shaping the blade exactly the way he wanted.

"And when will that be? When will he be good enough for the King under the Mountain?" Fili spat at Thorin venomously whose shoulders tensed under the accusation. "Do you not see how hard he tries to impress you, to earn your affections? And you give him nothing!"

Thorin could feel his nephew's eyes boring into his back, drilling a hole straight through him.

"You say he is a child but that is because you lock him up like some animal that you can control, never giving him the chance to grow up! _Look at me!"_ Fili shouted, flipping over the table next to him in one quick motion, bringing the tools that lay upon it crashing to the ground in a sudden clatter.

The demanding tone in Fili's voice was alien to Thorin; he had never heard him be anything but dutiful and respectful, aware of his position. He paused for a moment, savoring the fleeting feeling of working and being lost in work. Thorin gathered air in his lungs to calm himself before abandoning his forging and slowly turning around to face Fili. The look on the young Dwarf's face made the king's words stick in his throat. Shadows highlighted every angry feature on his beautiful face, the burning rage contained behind icy blue eyes threatening to spill over.

Thorin cleared his throat and stood up straighter, ready to defend his position. "I only want what is best for you and your brother and I have deemed that what is best is for him to stay behind."

"Liar." Fili growled menacingly.

"What did you say?" Thorin asked through gritted teeth.

"I said you're a liar. You don't want what's best for him or me or anyone in this kingdom! All you want is your gold and your mountain and your heirs!" Fili said, moving towards Thorin like a stalking animal. "You're only making Kili stay just in case I don't return. Luckily that way there will still be someone to carry on your legacy..."

The sound of Thorin's hand meeting with Fili's face rang out throughout the forge, leaving nothing but silence behind it. Thorin's hands clenched and unclenched by his sides as he stared in disbelief and fury at the Dwarf in front of him.

Fili's head hung low, his golden hair obscuring his face. Slowly he raised his head, bearing the bright red mark proudly as his eyes burned like the flames of a firedrake, staring directly into Thorin's.

"I would rather die than wear your broken crown." he said, his voice low and deliberate. "And if you force Kili to stay then I stay with him."

Thorin looked hard at the stern young boy, immovable in his position. How had this happened? This was nothing like the conversation he had envisioned in his mind with his reasonable, logical, admiring nephew that appeared to have disappeared entirely only to be replaced by this sharp-tongued lion. He stared at the boy with a cold concentration, his eyes searching for any weakness, any chink in his newfound armor. But he discovered none. There was not a single crack or opening to be found in Fili's hard-set jaw and unwavering stance, nothing but solid determination. Thorin had been defeated.

A heavy sigh passed his lips. "You and Kili are to leave tomorrow at sunrise."

Fili kept his eyes for a moment longer before turning and stalking back out the door without a word. Rooted to the spot in which he stood, Thorin looked at the scattered tools on the ground and then back to his half-forged sword that grew colder with every passing second.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't written anything in months! I got busy with graduation and moving and college junk...but I'm basically just lazy. This isn't the end, but I figured I would add more for everyone who is still following this story (blows my mind - THANK YOU) and there will be more to come. I just have to actually sort out the ending somehow. You have no idea how many times I've sat down and tried to resolve all of this - but it will happen! Anyways, thanks again to everyone who has stuck with this dumb, never-ending fic! :3 Hopefully you enjoy this bit.

Kili could hear a faint sound echoing through the forest and paused to listen. It was a voice, but he couldn't make out what it was saying.

"Hello?" he called out, waiting for a reply. The voice resounded through the trees again and he started walking in the direction it seemed to be coming from.

"Who's there?" Kili asked as he stalked through the branches and growing darkness. Aside from the voice, the forest was completely silent, as if the mists surrounding it had muted all noise. He looked up to the trees and saw no birds, the sky above him entirely covered by a sheet of dark grey clouds. He walked slowly, holding his breath as he did so until he heard the sudden rustle of leaves behind him.

Kili turned around abruptly but saw nothing in the clearing behind him, just the empty forest floor surrounded by close knit trees that formed a thick wall of branches. He stared for a moment at the spot searching for any sign of movement.

"Kili…"

The sound of his name caused Kili's head to jerk forward, his eyes scanning ahead.

"Hello?" he called again, taking a tentative step forward.

"Kili!" the voice shouted more clearly this time, sounding distressed.

"Fili!" Kili shouted back, recognizing his brother's voice. "Fili, where are you?!" His eyes had grown wide with fear and worry and he started walking more quickly into the trees where the sound was coming from. He stumbled and almost fell, catching himself before plummeting to the ground. The forest was becoming darker and darker, making it harder for Kili to find his footing through the brush, but the calls of his brother pushed him forward.

"I'm here, Kili!" Fili's voice echoed from behind Kili in the opposite direction. Turning around, Kili began to follow the voice until it called to him from his left, "Over here."

Desperately Kili scrambled through the undergrowth and moved aside the heavy branches with sharp pine needles that cut his face. "Fili…Fili, where are you?" he called again, his voice growing hoarse with strangling fear.

"Help me!" Fili yelled loudly, making Kili sprint straight ahead towards the sound as fast as he could.

He tripped and fell, landing on the hard ground with his hands and knees. Kili gulped in air, hearing a dull booming sound that seemed to echo throughout the entire forest. As he looked frantically for the source of the noise, he realized it was the pounding of his own heart resounding in his ears.

Suddenly from behind him came a single long, low howl. The pounding in his ears became faster as his heart raced and the sound mixed with the silence of the trees followed by another longer howl which was echoed by a second, farther away.

Kili got to his feet as a frigid breeze swept through the bottom of the woods, carrying with it the sound of more wolf cries. He reached behind him, his hands searching for his quiver and bow but all he found was his bare back, rising and falling rapidly from his breathing.

"KILI!" he heard his brother scream.

Immediately Kili began sprinting blindly again, the chorus of howls growing closer and louder as more joined in the call. A flash of gold made Kili look to his left where he found his eyes meeting another pair racing alongside him, staring hungrily and intently. Then on his right another set of glowing eyes appeared, running in the trees where they were joined by more and more bright, terrifying orbs.

Kili ran as fast as he could, his entire body screaming in pain, his lungs verging on collapsing. He burst out of the thick trees and found himself standing in the same clearing again, but this time he was circled by eleven pairs of shining eyes and eleven sets of snarling teeth that chomped and dripped with anticipation.

His heart clenched at the realization that he could no longer hear his brother's voice, only a low collective growl. Out of the darkness emerged a giant beast, its mangled fur as dark as shadows, its golden eyes piercing through the darkness. The great wolf's head hung low as it slowly stalked forward to where Kili stood immobilized. With each heavy footfall, its pupils grew smaller and smaller until they were barely there, like tiny black dots in a pool of amber.

The wolf was taller than Kili, even as he stood, and it seemed to grow larger as it approached. The growls of the other wolves had silenced and all Kili could hear was the slow breathing of the black wolf drawing nearer. Their eyes met and every single hair on Kili's body stood on end as if electrified by terror.

The wolf was close enough that Kili could feel its hot breath on his face. It felt as though all the warmth of his blood had left his body, leaving Kili cold and trembling. He shut his eyes and waited for the end but nothing happened.

Then the clearing was filled with the deafening sound of every single wolf howling at the top of its lungs and Kili's eyes shot open to see a figure standing in front of him. Through the darkness and the confusion he struggled to get a clear image of the person.

"Thorin…" he whispered.

The king, who seemed to be twice his height, looked down on him with predatory eyes that changed from icy blue to haunting gold with tiny black dots in the center. Kili stumbled backwards and fell, still pushing himself back along the ground until he heard the snapping of jaws behind him, reminding him that he was surrounded.

When he looked back to the clearing the sight made his chest tighten so much he gasped for breath. Fili was lying on the cold ground, his clothes torn, his body bloodied.

"FILI!" he screamed desperately. Tears were forming in his eyes and he could feel them threatening to spill over. Kili crawled on all fours over to his brother, but was intercepted by Thorin, who drug the barely conscious Dwarf up to his feet by his hair. Kili cried out and then all at once, every single one of the wolves was barking like mad and snapping their teeth, creating a tremendous noise that filled Kili's ears to the point of bursting.

Thorin looked back over at Kili, whose body was now being wracked with tremors, and then his grin split into a giant muzzle filled with rows of sharp, shining teeth that tore into Fili's neck in one swift motion.

His own screaming jerked him upright and Kili gasped for air as sweat dripped down his back. His head whipped from side to side, "Fili…Fili…Fili…" he said over and over again until he finally registered the arms holding him and the calm voice speaking to him.

"Shhh, I'm right here Kili," Fili said quietly, rubbing his little brother's back.

Kili clutched his brother's shirt and buried his face into Fili's chest, his breathing ragged. "They're going to hate us," he whispered, " _He's_ going to hate us…"

"It's alright," Fili said soothingly, running his fingers through Kili's hair as he looked back from his night watch spot to where all the other Dwarves were camped and sleeping peacefully. "It's alright…" he sighed, kissing the top of Kili's head, "Everything will be alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So shit got kind of intense there. Poor Kili. Hopefully you liked this crazy dream-sequence and it made some sense. Let me tell you all, writing horror shit at 12:45am during a thunderstorm whilst listening to this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=4duOIDKlbos and this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST2H8FWDvEA has definitely done nothing good for my sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so yeah, here it is, the final chapter. Life got crazy with college and all but I honestly just didn't know how to finish this story so I sort of put it off until I forgot about it. Sorry for being a total d-bag, but thanks to everyone who hung in there. All the messages asking me to finish this story were what motivated me to actually write this bit. Also, sorry about the ending for everyone was read the books. I had to get that in there. This will probably be my last fanfic since my main output these days is literary analysis essays, but thank you to everyone who read/followed/reviewed/enjoyed my stories! Y'all are great! :3

The sky was a bleak, somber grey when Fili felt Kili finally stirring awake. He had held his younger brother close all night, feeling the comforting heat of Kili's breath on his chest, but repositioned himself further away when he began to hear the first signs of the Company waking.

Kili outstretched his fingers and upon not finding the touch of his brother's fur-lined vest opened his eyes, piercing Fili with their half-awake gaze. The two stared at each other for a moment, a silent preparedness and reluctant resolution passed between them then Fili's sad blue eyes broke away as he sat himself upright.

He could feel Kili's stare boring a hole into his back but tried to focus on the movement within the camp instead.

Standing up and shaking the dust and pine needles off of his bedroll, Fili began carefully rolling the fabric until it was nice and tight, then he folded it once, wrapped the rope around it, and tying it off, placed it inside his pack. He stretched like a cat, extending its claws and opening its jaw to reveal rows of sharp teeth, despite the fact that he was not the least bit sleepy.

After Kili's nightmare, Fili had laid awake all night, feeling utterly helpless and immensely guilty. Had everything really been his fault? Could he have prevented bringing sadness and harm to his brother by suppressing his irrational feelings? Fili stared at the cloud-covered pitch black sky for what felt like an eternity until the black slowly faded away into an ashy grey and the sun began to rise, hidden behind the mass of storm clouds that were still gathering.

'Storm clouds this early can never be a good omen,' Fili thought to himself gloomily as he tightened the drawstrings on his pack.

As though his own mind had suddenly gained a voice, Fili heard his thoughts echoed by an exasperated Ori.

"I barely slept a wink thanks to these rocks poking me in the back all night and now those awful clouds are going to make it even harder to get through the mountains!" he whined.

Fili's gaze, along with most of the other Dwarves and one particularly distraught-looking Hobbit, trailed from their campsite up, up, up the great hulking mass of rock and ice that was just a small fraction of the Misty Mountains. Dismay filled the hearts of the Company and Fili glanced back to see Kili paused in the middle of putting away his bedroll, staring weakly at the peaks.

"We want to reach the pass by sundown," Thorin said, his strong voice breaking up the huddle of frozen Dwarves.

Fili sighed and straightened up, walking over to stand next to the warmth of the morning campfire when Bilbo appeared at his side.

"Are we supposed to go through that?" he asked, pointing to the formidable mass of rock in front of them.

"Yes," Fili confirmed, concentrating on the flames.

"No, see, you didn't even look to where I was pointing," Bilbo snapped, eyebrows raised in annoyance "That. Right. There," he said again, jabbing his finger toward the Misty Mountains with every syllable.

"Yes! That. Right. There," Fili snapped back, his hair whipping around as he turned to face the Hobbit.

"Well then…" said Bilbo, rocking back and forth on his heels with his hands now in his pockets, lips pursed.

"Don't be so cross," Balin said, walking up behind the two, "it will be over before you know it!"

But Fili was not listening. Instead, he was watching Kili who, after packing up all of his supplies had looked around the camp and briefly caught Fili's eyes then stalked off into the woods.

Searching for Thorin and seeing him preoccupied drawing a map in the dirt with Dwalin standing next to him, Fili left the campfire without a word, heading after his brother.

"Where is he going?!" Bilbo sputtered, turning to Balin with an expression of confusion mixed with sheer terror.

Balin merely sighed and shook his head, hands clasped behind his back as he walked towards Thorin and Dwalin. Bilbo heard the old Dwarf mutter, "Youths," as he shuffled away.

"Best not to worry about those two!" Bilbo heard as a hand patted him on the shoulder. He turned to see the goofy smiling face of Bofur who, upon realizing that his hand was still resting on the Hobbit immediately grew a deep shade of scarlet and quickly found something incredibly urgent to attend to.

Bilbo watched as Bofur stumbled through the camp, almost tripping over the still-sleeping Bombur and nearly knocking the breakfast out of Gloin's hands. He chuckled a little bit then turned towards the place in the woods where Fili and Kili had yet again disappeared. What could they possibly be doing?

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Fili sighed exasperatedly as he chased after Kili once more, pushing branches aside and ducking under fallen trees to catch up with him.

"Kili! Kili, we can't keep doing this!" Fili shouted, trying to shake off the vines that had twisted around his boot. "Augh!" he shouted, trying to kick free of the vines but instead accidentally sending his momentum forward, toppling himself to the ground. "Dammit, Kili!"

Finally wrenching himself free from the vine's death grip Fili stood up, huffing, looking wildly around the forest for his brother.

"Kili, we have to go back!" Fili shouted into the empty space.

"I don't want to," said a quiet voice.

Fili turned around and saw Kili standing behind him, looking so small even though he was the taller of the two.

"We have to," Fili repeated, moving towards his little brother.

"No."

"What do you mean, no?" Fili asked seriously, standing in front of Kili, whose eyes were fixed on the ground. "What about the quest?" he asked, trying to connect with those brown eyes. "What about Erebor? What about the treasure?"

Kili's eyes shot up and Fili was taken aback by how angry they looked.

"Treasure be damned!" he shouted. "You're what I want."

"Kili…"

"You're all I want," Kili said, his voice and eyes softening.

A moment of stillness passed between them and was suddenly broken by Kili's movement as he leaned down and held Fili's face between his hands, pressing their lips together. Fili grasped the blue fabric of Kili's shirt and pulled him in closer, returning the kiss forcefully. Kili pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against Fili's.

"Brother, I'm scared."

Fili sighed and closed his eyes, running his thumb along Kili's cheek.

"There's nothing to fear," he whispered.

"Don't lie to me!" Kili said, shrugging away from his touch. "There are goblins and orcs and giants in those mountains!"

Fili chuckled, despite the truth in his words. "You sound the same way as when Uncle used to tell you scary bedtime stories."

"Don't patronize me," Kili grumbled, "besides; he was right, wasn't he? He's always right," he said quietly, turning away from Fili.

"No, he's not." Fili stood up taller and grabbed Kili's hand. "Not about this," he said, bringing their lips together once more, trying to express all of his love in one kiss. Kili put his hands on Fili's hips, holding them close together as he leaned in further, his tongue in Fili's mouth. Kili gasped as Fili grabbed a fistful of the long dark hair and pulled back, exposing Kili's neck to the hot breath and trail of kisses that made his spine shiver and skin become covered in goosebumps. A trail was licked all the way up his neck and Kili brought their mouths back together, breathing heavily, meeting eyes with Fili.

"And I had thought of you as my sons," Thorin's voiced hissed from behind the two brothers.

Immediately their hearts plummeted as they broke apart to face their uncle who was standing before them, his face showing nothing but disgust. Shock, anguish, and embarrassment passed through Fili before the thick lump in his throat cleared and he could say anything.

"Thorin, I-"

"Do not speak," he growled mercilessly, glaring at one Dwarf then the other. Thorin ground his teeth together and shook his head before turning his back on the brothers.

"Uncle!" Fili shouted desperately, reaching out to catch Thorin's shirt, but Thorin spun around almost instantaneously, pushing Fili to the ground roughly.

"Fili!" the younger Dwarf shouted, rushing to Fili's side in the sparse grass.

"Don't call me that," Thorin growled, hatred pouring out of his eyes and his mouth. "I am of no relation to you," he spat at the brothers.

"You can't do this! It's not right," Kili shouted as he wrapped an arm across Fili's chest, protecting him.

"It's not right?" Thorin asked, still facing away from the boys. "Tell me, Kili, what is right about this? You and your own brother?"

"I love him!" Kili exclaimed, panting from fear and adrenaline.

"Love?! This is a perversion of love!" Thorin boomed, looking down on the two with revulsion.

"And what would you ever know of love, Thorin?" Fili snarled.

A heavy silence hung over the forest. No birds sang and no breeze swept through the trees. Only utter stillness existed, as if the whole world was holding its breath.

"You will finish this quest," Thorin said firmly, "and you will put an end to this, or I will make sure you never see your brother again."

The king looked massive to Fili from where he was on the ground and he saw something in his uncle's eyes that he had never seen before: heartbreak.

"Now get up," he said, before turning back in the direction of camp, leaving the two alone.

"Fili…"

"We can't," the elder whispered, sliding out of his brother's grasp, slowly standing up. After a single deep breath Fili began to walk, following the path that had been made by Thorin, leaving Kili on the ground looking helpless and utterly crushed.

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Halfway up the mountain the rain hurled itself down on the Company and despite the exhaustion and the cold, Kili was glad because it meant that he couldn't tell if he was crying or not. Fili's entire demeanor towards him had changed since that morning in the woods. He was more distant than ever before, not even sparing Kili a single glance the entire time they had been miserably trudging up the mountainside.

Kili drug his feet a few paces behind his brother, knowing now that there would be a permanent distance between them. Thoughts flew through his mind incessantly, making him blind and deaf to the world around him.

He couldn't bear the thought of never seeing his brother ever again, but there was also a stabbing pain in his chest when he imagined living out the rest of his life, always an arm's length away from Fili, never being able to touch him or kiss him, to love him. His heart seized with pain and Kili stopped moving, looking down at his feet but unable to see anything as a clear image thanks to the tears clinging to his lashes, warping his vision.

Suddenly there was a loud crack that pulled Kili out of his mind. A giant chunk of rock fell out from under him and he was pushed back against the wall by Fili's strong arms, their chests pressed together roughly.

"Giants! Stone giants!" Bofur shouted as Kili stared in disbelief at the hulking mass of rock that was now moving towards them.

The Company began to move frantically, trying to get out of harm's way as quickly as possible, but they were no competition for the mountainside that split underneath their feet with a deafening sound like an explosion.

Kili looked at his feet once more, realizing that each foot was standing on one side of the ledge that was quickly moving apart. Panic filled his stomach.

"Kili! Grab my hand!" Fili shouted desperately, reaching out as far as possible since Dwalin was holding him back from falling straight down into the nothingness.

Frozen with fear, Kili watched, horror in his eyes as he drifted farther and farther from his brother.

"Fili…"

In a daze, Kili stared at the spot where he'd last seen his brother just moments ago, sure that the beautiful face stricken with terror would be the last thing he'd ever see. The giant stumbled sideways and a weightless feeling surged through Kili's stomach as they swooped through the open space, his vision a blur of rock and rain and flashes of lightning.

Boulders and chucks of stone flew everywhere as an incredibly massive rock plummeted into the abyss and Kili realized slowly that it was the head of the giant, leaving them utterly helpless, without a chance of anything except being crushed to death.

Kili closed his eyes as half the Company screamed, careening head-on into the opposite rock face. With an enormous crash, he was thrown off his feet and, toppling over himself, landed flat on his back, having all the wind knocked out of his body. Pieces of rock were on top of him and dust was circling everywhere and Kili was sure he was dead…until he heard a voice calling his name.

"KILI!"

His head pounded and he could feel hot, sticky blood sliding down his cheek, dripping onto his shoulder.

"KILI!" the voice called again and suddenly his black vision was replaced with the face of Thorin, looking stark white, all the blood drained from his face. Thorin frantically swept all of the debris off the young Dwarf and immediately began checking him for injuries.

Another figure bounded over the rubble and dropped down next to Kili, touching his face gently.

"Fili," Kili whispered, "I thought I'd never see you again."

Fili chuckled lightly, tears pooling in his eyes.

"You can't get rid of me that easily, brother."

The briefest moment of hesitation restrained the two but was shattered by their hug, Kili refusing to let go. He couldn't be left alone again.

"Thorin," Fili said, quietly, looking into the grey blue eyes.

"I was wrong," Thorin said, his voice thick with regret. "I was so wrong. You two are my blood, my sons; all I could ever wish for is your happiness."

"Uncle," Kili whispered with admiration in his eyes behind the dazzling tears.

"I cannot lose either of you," Thorin said, gently placing a hand on each Dwarf's shoulder, "and if this is your happiness, I will not deny it. You have my blessing, Fili and Kili."

With dignity, Thorin stood, looking as though a thousand pounds had been lifted from his back, the heartbreak in his eyes completely vanished. He gave his nephews one last glance, smiling slightly before moving off to check on the other members of the Company.

Fili and Kili looked at each other in a stunned silence before bursting out in a fit of laughter. Relief flooded through both of them like a heavy rain after a long drought.

"Promise me we'll never be separated again?" Kili asked, looking deeply into those crystal blue eyes he'd thought he'd lost.

"Never," Fili sighed, leaning in to kiss Kili with all the adoration in his heart.

On that mountain, in the rain and wind, surrounded by all the dangers of the world, Fili and Kili felt like they were immortal.


End file.
